Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am available for nakedness
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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