My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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