How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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