did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
