I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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