You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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