i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
