i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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