Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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