Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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