There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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