I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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