ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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