what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
