im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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