I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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