when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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