I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
