You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
