did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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