So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
