Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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