I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
