Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
