I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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