I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
