I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
