I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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