I can tuck mytits in my pants
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
