and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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