haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
