What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will be naked everywhere
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
