This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
