Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
