Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
