Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
