you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
