you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
