He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
