we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
