I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
