I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
