How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
