Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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