I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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