if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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