You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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