Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
