there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
