I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
