party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
