We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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