just come out here and I will go home with you...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
