Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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