I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
