I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
