ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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