I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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