Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
