I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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