we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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