I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
